Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

I hereby guarantee that the quotes expressed below are entirely ficticious. I also make no claim to be the author of any of this stuff!


This often asked question has sparked serious debate across the globe for a long, long time as the following explanations will atest.


Pick an opinion
Plato Karl Marx Hippocrates Jacques Derrida Noam Chomsky
Thomas de Torquemada Timothy Leary Douglas Adams Nietzsche Oliver North
B. F. Skinner Richard Nixon Carl Jung Jean-Paul Sartre Ludwig Wittgenstein
Albert Einstein Aristotle Buddha Howard Cosell Salvador Dali
Darwin Emily Dickinson Epicurus Ralph Waldo Emerson Johann Friedrich von Goethe
Ernest Hemingway Werner Heisenberg David Hume Saddam Hussein Jack Nicholson
Pyrrho the Skeptic Ronald Reagan John Sununu The Sphinx Adolf Hitler
Henry David Thoreau Mark Twain Catherine Mackinnon Ludwig van Beethoven Stephen Jay Gould
Josef Stalin Malcolm X Don Glass Bill Clinton Bob Dole
Jerry Garcia Red Rooster John Steinbeck God Jean Luc Picard
The Chicken BABYLON 5

Here endith the list!

Mail Your submissions using the form below!!



What was the explanation?

Who said it?

Jean Luc Picard

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

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The Chicken

I went to the other side because their was a hot chick on the other side.

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John Steinbeck

It had the desire to travel and find it's place in America. He had the urge to be someplace else.

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I told him to

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For the greater good.

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Karl Marx

It was a historical inevitability.

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Red Rooster

A good looking hen on the other side.

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So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

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Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Return to list

Jacques Derrida

Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid, as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead. Return to list

Noam Chomsky

The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in mostchickencoops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks. (Incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry.) Anyway, ... [Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Onanian Press.] Return to list

Thomas de Torquemada

Give me 10 minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Return to list

Timothy Leary

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Return to list

Douglas Adams

42. Return to list


Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you. Return to list

Oliver North

National Security was at stake. Return to list

B. F. Skinner

Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. Return to list

Richard Nixon

Edgar will find out! Or, uh, we could put, uh, Liddy on it. Liddy. I worry about Liddy sometimes. Remember when we assigned him to figure out which 1 of those [expletive deleted] passenger pigeons had been leaking campaign secrets? Return to list

Carl Jung

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Return to list

Jean-Paul Sartre

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Return to list

Ludwig Wittgenstein

The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. Return to list

Albert Einstein

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Return to list


To actualize its potential. Return to list


If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. Return to list

Howard Cosell

It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian bipedwith the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to Homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence. Return to list

Salvador Dali

The Fish. Return to list


It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Return to list

Emily Dickinson

Because it could not stop for death. Return to list


For fun. Return to list

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Return to list

Johann Friedrich von Goethe

The eternal hen-principle made it do it. Return to list

Ernest Hemingway

To die. In the rain. Return to list

Werner Heisenberg

We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. Return to list

David Hume

Out of custom and habit. Return to list

Saddam Hussein

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Return to list

Jack Nicholson

'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Return to list

Pyrrho the Skeptic

What road? Return to list

Ronald Reagan

I forget. Return to list

John Sununu

The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. Return to list

The Sphinx

You tell me. Return to list

Adolf Hitler

If it was a white, Aryan chicken, it was because it was its destiny to seek lebensraum in the historical vaterland. If it was 1 of those Rhode Island Communists, it was a cowardly act of betrayal of der volk, for which it will be made to pay. Return to list

Henry David Thoreau

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. Return to list

Mark Twain

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Return to list

Catherine Mackinnon

Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last 4 centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumed animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse. Return to list

Ludwig van Beethoven

Eh? Return to list

Stephen Jay Gould

It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation. Return to list

Josef Stalin

I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet. Return to list

Malcolm X

It was coming home to roost. Return to list

Don Glass

To show the possum it could be done. Return to list

Bill Clinton

It is one of the challenging problems of our time, isn't it? And, altho we have known of this problem for many years, nobody has ever taken it seriously enough to really feel the chicken's pain. Clearly we need to move forward on this issue in a measured, humane way, bearing in mind that the federal government can't be all things to all creatures, but that, in the final analysis, it is the Constitution of this great land of ours which guarantees freedom of action, within prudent limits, for all of us. God bless you, and thanks for asking. Return to list

Bob Dole

How should I know? Get that microphone out of my face! Return to list

Jerry Garcia

And what a long, strange trip it's been. Return to list